As promised here are some things that reflect on to see where do you fit into this schema of issues Earnest and I have come to realize that need to be addressed. The deep dive into our shadow self can be overwhelming because we are missing key components to innerstand ourselves better!
When you are wounded and not investing the time and energy necessary to heal, your spouse’s self care regimen may look as if they are trying to lure someone else to fill the gaps in areas where you aren't strong. A sexy dress could make your partner feel a way, a night out with the girls may make them wonder if she's up to something like cheating or linking up with someone else. Or if your spouse begins consistently working out more than ever you may be triggered into experiencing anxious preoccupied attachment!
Symptoms of Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
Constant need for closeness and intimacy.
Worrying that your partner will leave you.
Being overly dependent in your relationship.
Constant fear of rejection and abandonment.
Constant need to please and gain people's approval.
Difficulty trusting your partner.
This is simply one of the many different styles of love attachment as a result of childhood trauma and family dysfunction. This includes what the spiritual community calls generational curses!
Now as you heal and mature into a secure love attachment things that turn you on may be the same things that made you feel insecure and paranoid in the past for example; a strong minded woman could have been a way of seeking motherly protection which you ain't get with your mother leading to codependency. Now that you've healed a strong woman may be a turn on because she symbolizes the primordial dark mother of all creation! On the other hand watching them love on themselves, practice body positivity, consistent self care, excellent hygiene, routinely cleanse their auric field of any negative energy, shadow work and individuation become a turn on like you've never felt before. Watching them enforce personal boundaries, expect the same love and support they give you, be assertive, release fear of asking for unmet needs to be met, making plans and following through to become successful can intimidate an insecure wounded masculine or feminine! On the other hand once you have healed yourself to a point of being able to perceive things through a higher dimension of consciousness, these self care, self respecting routines will make you rise higher in love with them! Notice I don't say fall deeper in love because falling is symbolic of disempowerment and failure. This is not what true love is supposed to be. 💋Once you know you are worthy of someone who adores all of themselves you perceive the time they invest in mastering self as a form of love being expressed unbound by the expectations of society and dysfunctional family patterns!
Decrease in magnetic attraction on an energetic level is often caused by our behaviors which depreciate the way we see ourselves. This is known as self sabotaging behavior or the
self fulfilling prophecy which is explained on a YouTube channel called Wu Wei Wisdom!
Whatever thoughts we think the most becomes the vibe we transmit energetically. Women, especially those who are in tune to their intuitive self can smell this internal conflict the way a dog smells fear. This can sometimes happen to men once they have worked to heal their feminine wounds.
If we feel like we aren't lovable, we will subconsciously broadcast reasons to not be loved, build walls to avoid intimacy and also use any maneuver possible to avoid a mirror in fear of seeing their wounded self. Admitting to being wounded is perceived as a threat by the ego because in the past being honest may have gotten you punishment as a child, physical and emotional whoopings, scolding and constant criticism. This will lead a person to avoid being intimate because if you see the flaws they try to hide you may not want to be with them. So they run, hide, avoid and get defensive whenever openness and vulnerability is being expected by their partner! This will lead to the ego creating arguments over small things just to push away the partner who is helping but being perceived as a threat. The dysfunctional patterns of our parents becomes the filter we use to discern circumstances. For example if your father always abandoned you to be with another family or due to drugs and or alcohol abuse, you could become uncomfortable with masculine energy because your subconscious program plays a loop of reminders about how and why you weren't good enough to be loved by your father. This will lead to you hiding from love in an effort to avoid being abandoned again.
If you have a mother wound it could've been caused by an emotionally detached mother who expressed anger more then loving emotional support, warmth and compassion! This is only one of many other reasons. Refer to Lisa Romano for powerful ways to heal this negative pattern imprinted onto your psyche!
Below is a love attachment test you can do to see what attachment you are at this surest moment! They can change from time to time due to the cycles of life. So revisit this as often as needed!
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